Let's talk about Vulnerability

I will be honest, open and vulnerable. also sharp and clear.

(I took this series of pictures in Katoomba, 2023, at Blue Mountains Cultural Centre, This art pieces belong to the awesome Adrianne Doig, check her work!)

Let's talk about vulnerability. For me, vulnerability is when we face a process-situation, in which we feel that we cannot overcome and we open ourselves to tell what is happening, it may be waiting for comments, ideas or just to feel listened to. If I think about what my lineage thinks about vulnerability, it would be like the following scenario.

This is -my idea- of my Grandmother’s vulnerability comments: “Vulnerability?I didn't know any of that,  I raised 5 children in a dictatorship and had two family businesses until my death, leaving a legacy to my 5 children. It took me nights without sleep, and a big sacrifice as a woman, mother and entrepreneur, but that’s the world we live in”.

My idea of mom's idea of vulnerability:  

“Vulnerability ”is not for strong women, my mom raised me as a feminist since I was born, and it is true we can -sometimes- suffer in silence, but who does not?”.

Me: Felling vulnerable it's like been naked in a public space.

(I took this series of pictures in Katoomba, 2023, at Blue Mountains Cultural Centre, This art pieces belong to the awesome Adrianne Doig, check her work!)

I'm learning vulnerability with books and podcasts. Very trendy authors and life coaches, researchers, athletes, peacemakers. Some of the list are: Brene Brown, Glenon Doyle, Jey Shetty, Lewis Howes, Mel Robbins, Dalai Lama. now, I know vulnerability is a feeling and for humans is okey to feel. however, still I have the idea:  I don't want vulnerability in my life. 

Could it be because of the idea that I have according to my upbringing? or could it be because of the magazines, TV and socials and how fashionable female empowerment is dressed in pants and suits, with a hard look, as men do.

Vulnerability also takes me to “period archetype” and how frustrated women feel at being called neurotic, crybabies when we are emotional. 

Currently, life is giving me a lesson. I still have the alternative to choose the easy path and leave Australia because I don't have enough money to pay the first study fee for next studies (yes, I have to hire new studies to stay longer in Australia), or work using creativity and all the resources I have to make the dream of keep living in “kangaroo land”.

Here I am, exploring been vulnerable, starting my transition from listening podcast and books, to being open with the fact that it is okey to feel vulnerability. 

At this moment of my life this feeling is triggered by the lack of money, a huge amount that I dont have and I have to pay through filling forms and sending them online, all is virtual, never the chance to talk with a human, the process is so impersonal and made to exclude people. I felt powerless, alone, distressed, frustrated. After finding truth in Permaculture and Economical Degrowth, feels like we cannot scape the "Monopoly-board game".

Focusing in my dream to live in Australia, I decided to start my first public financing campaign to pay for the first fee of my next studies. And for the first time I don't feel sorry for it, I don't feel sad or helpless, I feel that as I have countlessly invested in music, permaculturists, herbalists, film makers, writers, in their own campaigns, I never did it, for pity, I did it because I know them, I have interacted with them, and I know their work if a huge contribution to systemic change.

This reframing, taking me to a path of enthusiasm, where I know I will achieve my fee, and the community I know, is already supporting me in so many ways.

I left Chile, 7 years ago, and flew to Australia one week after finishing my work at CNN Chile, as co-editor of live news programs. I have been 7 years outside my country, travelling and working around the world. Living a pandemic in Australia and working and studying here for the last 3 years. I finished my studies In Marketing with honours, and I did apply to a PHD scholarship at RMIT that I didn’t get at the end of last year also contacted several scholars from different disciplines from different universities looking for a spot in research. I feel against the time now. 

(I took this series of pictures in Katoomba, 2023, at Blue Mountains Cultural Centre, This art pieces belong to the awesome Adrianne Doig, check her work!)

From today I decided to embrace vulnerability on my own terms, facing the up wind, chin lifted, shoulders and spine straight, maybe still feels like bee naked but now with freedom joy and playfulness, including nature around, we all are -like in the picture- thriving together.

This is an invitation to support each other and to embrace vulnerability together.

Let’s stop wasting money on random stuff and let’s invest in our friends and family, colleagues and neighbours, because we need each other. Is no way we can thrive just by ourselves, and today I am here talking about my vulnerability, and for sure the vulnerability that many international students face everyday. Let's embrace it with hope and trust the universe is holding us.

If some of those words make sense for you, please check My Cause Link. Donate if you can. Share the link My Cause if you can. I am Ximena Martinez, (Ninna), trying to pay my student fees for next year.

Lots of love -Ninna